Step #6 – How To Stop Thinking You’re Ruining Your Kids

This is step #6 in the 6 Steps To Go From An Angry To Happy And Confident Mom blog series. You can find the rest of the series here.

Unfortunately, being a mom isn’t always as dreamy and joyous as you thought it would be. You might find yourself feeling angry, frustrated, and unhappy much more than you anticipated.

You are not alone! I created this blog series because I’ve heard so many moms talk about their desires to enjoy motherhood more, instead of feeling constantly guilty and worried over how they are parenting. Do you wish you yelled less and didn’t feel so frustrated and angry all the time as a mom? Then this blog series was created for you.

You can find step’s #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5 below. Start at the beginning so that you get the full benefit of this series.

Download “6 Steps To Go From An Angry To Happy Mom” to follow along.

If you’ve already been through step #1, #2, #3, #4, and #5 then let’s move on.

Let Go Of Control and Stay Present

This last step is so important to help you become a more peaceful and calm mom.

It’s so easy to get caught up in frustration, worry, and anger when you are dealing with your child, but when you stay present in the moment, you can be more intentional with your reaction.

For example, while putting my child to bed, they would express something that was bothering them. My mind would take their words and start spinning about how this could play out in the future, and what horrible things might happen if what they’re sharing continues!

While in reality, the only thing that was happening in that moment is that my child was talking with me. I was letting my worry and obsession over “worst case scenario” take me away and this was creating a feeling of panic while I was listening to my child.  

In my panicked state, I would try to control, or squash the situation so I could feel productive, and like I was doing something to avoid the “worst case scenario” playing out.

Here’s another example. Have you ever been on a playdate with your toddler and all of a sudden they hit the child they are playing with?

You start having thoughts like, “If my child keeps hitting, this mom isn’t going to want to hang out with me anymore!” or “My child is going to be labeled a hitter!” or “If this continues it’s going to cause problems in grade school, and wonder if they are just a violent individual?!”

The reality is, two year olds hit sometimes. It’s what they do. They don’t have the words to get their point across so they hit.

The Two Truths You Need To Accept

  • You CANNOT control the future. You have no control over how anyone else acts, except yourself. Even a young child has freedom of their words and actions.
  • Life is made up of equally good and bad things. The 50/50 of life. We talked about this in step #3.

Worrying about the future is not helpful to you. Continuous worry can create a real disconnect in your relationship with your kids.

All that matters is the current moment. And going back to the example of putting my son to bed, the only thing that mattered in that moment is what he was saying to me and being present to accept it and deal with it in a loving and nourishing way. This is where thinking about your vision for yourself comes in handy.

Trying to let go of the worry has done wonders in helping me react differently to situations. It’s also alleviated the nightly stress I was putting on myself in regards to thinking the worst about the future of my kids and/or the future of this world.

I started thinking more about how the benefit of being present with my kids without worry is a better gift to give them than rehashing “worst case scenarios” in my mind.

I want to encourage you to practice this. Remember that life is made up of 50% good things and 50% bad things, and that the future is out of your control.

    Start With The Small Things

    Start doing this work with the little things that worry or frustrate you.

    If your child doesn’t want to finish their vegetables, and you find your mind running away with thoughts like, “they need to eat their vegetable to be healthy! And if they aren’t healthy they will get sick and sent home from school…and I can’t miss anymore work!”

    Instead, look at the truth which is that in that moment, your child doesn’t want to finish their vegetables. It doesn’t mean anything more than that. You can be present with this truth, and then proceed however you choose from that place.

    Here’s another tip – if you find your mind getting carried away with worries, you can switch directions and start thinking about the opposite, like all the positive things that COULD happen. Give the worry and happiness in your brain, an equal amount of time.

    Ask yourself what is a better way to tell the future story? What is a better outcome that could possibly happen?

    When you start training your brain to stay present and cast the worries aside, you no longer worry about ruining your kids.

    The future is always unknown, so worrying about it takes away precious mind energy that could be directed towards creating a wonderful relationship with your kids.

    Keep Moving Forward Doing This Work!

    One of the most important jobs we have is raising kids in this world. If we can come from a place of more calmness, happiness, and confidence, we will transform our relationship with our kids while modeling how to handle life in a more peaceful way.

    This is the end of the blog series, but my hope is that you will continue going through these steps as you navigate various stages of motherhood. I would love it if you choose to incorporate this blog series into your morning routine. That is when I do most of my journaling and reflective work and it’s truly life changing.

    I would love to hear from you in the comments below. Please let me know if you found this work helpful, or what parts you struggle with.

    If you have truly enjoyed this series, can you do me a favor and answer these quick questions? Thank you so much!

    Don’t forget to download the (free) “6 Steps To Go from An Angry To Happy And Confident Mom”. This is where you will find the link to this blog series, along with all the steps we dicussed in one easy to reference printable.

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