Step #5 – How To Feel More In Control (As A Mom)

This is step #5 in the 6 Steps To Go From An Angry To Happy And Confident Mom blog series. You can find the rest of the series here.

Unfortunately, being a mom isn’t always as dreamy and joyous as you thought it was going to be. You might find yourself feeling angry and frustrated much more than you anticipated. And you may be thinking, “Wasn’t motherhood supposed to be filled with loving feelings?”

You are not alone! I created this blog series because I’ve heard so many moms talk about their desires to enjoy motherhood more, instead of feeling constant guilt and worry over how they are parenting.

Do you wish you yelled less and felt more in control as a mom? Then this blog series was created for you.

In case you missed it, you can find step’s #1, #2, #3, and #4 below. Start at the beginning so that you get the full benefit of this series. In step #1, I share how the vision I had of how I would be as a mom, DID NOT match up with the mom I was once I had kids.

Download “6 Steps To Go From An Angry To Happy Mom” to follow along.

If you have already been through step #1, #2, #3, and #4, then let’s move on.

Use Journaling To Reflect On Your Parenting

If this step makes you feel kinda “blah”, you aren’t alone.

Journaling seemed overwhelming to me, and I would get confused about what I should journal about? I love structure and routine. My mind needs steps to take in order to feel calm.

If you are like me, let me help you. Here are three questions you can answer in your journal:

What do I want to be different about my parenting?

What is it over the last 24 hours that has frustrated or angered me in regards to my kids?

How do I want to show up differently then I did yesterday?

Answer one or all three of these questions without judgement or censoring. Just let your pen go.

Use This Framework To Feel More In Control And At Ease

Once you are done with your journaling, you can use the framework below to make you feel more in control and at ease.

Here’s an example of something you may have journaled about:

“My son kept getting out of bed after I put him to bed for the night. He kept wanting water and complaining that he wasn’t tired. After the 3rd time of this, I ended up yelling and he started crying…it was not a peaceful way to end the night. I felt not only frustrated with him, but angry with myself for how I handled the situation. I went to bed thinking, “he probably thinks I don’t love him.” And “I’m a horrible mom and I really need to get control over my anger.”

Here’s where the framework comes in place:

#1 – Write down three things that are good about this situation.

Using what you journaled about, write down three things that are good about this situation.

You may have to really stretch your imagination to find three things, that’s OK!

Here’s some ways you may answer:

  • I am around to be there for him and put him to bed.
  • He has the assertiveness and determination to keep trying to get what he wants.
  • I had a little bit of quality and snuggle time with him.

#2 – Write down how you want to think about the situation.

Now write about how you want to think about the situation. What do you want to think when he gets out of bed again tonight (because you know it will happen…)?

  • This is the reality of him. This is who he is. I will lay with him and take advantage of that snuggle time.
  • I will let him work out his determination and assertiveness without me being part of it.

#3 – Write about what will happen if you choose to think what you wrote above.

Lastly, write about what will happen if you choose to think what you wrote above?

  • What will happen if you take advantage of the snuggles?
  • What will happen if you allow him to be determined and assertive?

Use Your Journal To Reframe Your Mindset So You Can Feel More In Control

When you use the framework mentioned above, you reframe your mindset so you can get some relieve from things that might cause you to feel anger and frustration instead of calm and happiness.

When you do this journaling, you get to choose how you want to react, allowing you to feel more in control of your reactions to your child.

    Stay Tuned For Step #6…

    Next week, in the last step of the series, we will discuss how to stop feeling like you are ruining your kids.

    If you lay awake at night worried about your child’s future or the impact you are having on your kid, you don’t want to miss this important last step.

    And if you haven’t done it already, make sure to grab the free downloadable “6 Steps To Go From An Angry To Happy And Confident Mom”. Check out the entire series, here.

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