How I Stopped Drinking Alcohol

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As of this month, July 2024, it’s been 5 years since I’ve drank alcohol.

It truly has been one of the hardest things in my life to quite, but it’s also one of the things I’m most proud of.

I haven’t shared my story in the past on here (This Routine Life) because this is a blog that helps moms feel less overwhelmed by instilling routines and transforming the way they use their time. This isn’t a blog about alcohol…

However, now that I’ve gone five years without drinking, I think it’s a good time to share with you how I made this non-drinking habit work. You might have a habit that feels impossible to kick, and this post might help!

I also believe that there’s a lot of you out there who have the same relationship with alcohol that I did. In fact, you’re relationship with alcohol might be the driving factor of your overwhelm.

If that’s the case, I hope you’ll continue reading and find the inspiration you need to make a change (if that’s what you want).

It needs to be said that I am NOT a medical expert, I don’t have a background in substance use or abuse. I’m just going to share the process I went through to stop drinking for good.

How It All Started

I started drinking when I was a teenager in high school. I had a great group of friends, and my social life was THE MOST important thing to me.

My friends and I would frequent party’s where there was alcohol. It’s crazy to look back and think how widely available it was.

So from a young age, I connected socializing and having a good time with drinking.

This only amped up when I went to college and had more freedom.

Once again, I lived for my social life. I doubt a weekend went by that I didn’t drink or get drunk.

I couldn’t attribute having fun without alcohol involved. And unfortunately, I would sometimes drink to the point of blacking out.

It was in college that I started to question if I should be drinking so much. Usually this questioning would come the day after drinking when I was extremely hungover and anxious about my drunk behavior the night before.

But as soon as I felt better and my friends wanted to go out, I decided I didn’t have a problem and I’d be back to drinking.

However, I really started to question my drinking in my 20’s when I had a good job, but still found myself living for the weekends when I could go out and have drinks with friends.

And once again, I would drink to the point of falling, or blacking out. Deep down I knew that as a working professional, this wasn’t a good look…but I was single and my friends and social life revolved around going out and drinking. I truly couldn’t fathom what I would do if I was sober, or who I would hang out with?

I ended up meeting my husband at a Happy Hour, and every date we had after that included drinks.

While we were engaged, I lost a lot of weight for the wedding. In order to lose weight, I eliminated drinking up until the point of the wedding festivities. Specifically the Bachelorette party. I really let loose at my party and drank A LOT.

The next day I was so so sick. I was hungover to the point where I was scared. I had the worst headache of my life, and I couldn’t keep anything down. This was another time when I really considered the idea that I shouldn’t be drinking anymore. But with the wedding and honeymoon on the way, I pushed that thought to the side.

Then I had kids. I didn’t drink as much, but when I had the opportunity to get away from the kids with my husband and/or friends, I would overdo it.

Hungover is NOT fun when you have to attend to a kid in the middle of the night. But in addition to the physical pain of a hangover, I started having horrible anxiety, guilt, and shame about how much I was drinking now that I was a mom. I called this a mental and emotional hangover and it would sometimes last for days.

Even though I never was drunk in front of the kids, I still felt like a horrible mom because of how much I was drinking when I wasn’t with them. I worried that my drinking might put me in a bad situation, or I might come home drunk, pass out and not hear a smoke detector, or a middle of the night emergency. My brain would feed me the worst scenarios.

My Attempts To Stop Drinking

2017 was the first time I stopped drinking. My New Year’s resolution was to not drink or eat sugar for the whole year. I lasted until May. We went to Puerto Rico for a friends wedding and I chose to have a glass of champagne, and then a few drinks by the pool the next day.

When I returned from vacation, I decided I would put rules around my drinking. No hard liquor, and a maximum of 2 drinks.

This was something I often did when I felt like I should cut back or stop drinking. I put a lot of rules around the drinks (no drinks before 5pm, only beer, only wine, 2 drink max, only one drink a week, only drink on Saturday, etc).

However, time and time again, I would slide back into my old behaviors and end up overdrinking and feeling hungover and ashamed the next day.

Through the years I would try to take a break but the longest I ever went was the first time I tried in 2017.

I really desired to be sober.

I would journal about how great my life would be once I stopped drinking. I really wanted my mind to get on bored with saying no to alcohol.

Then in July of 2019, right after I turned 40, I went out of town with my mom and sister for the weekend. We all had a few drinks. I probably had 3 or 4 beers. I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart racing, and my head spinning in anxious thoughts. But one thought stuck out to me – “That was your last night of drinking.”

I woke up the next morning and told my mom and sister that I was done drinking. The racing heart scared me, and I owed it to my family to not be drowning in anxiety for days because I wanted to have a few hours of fun.

I haven’t had a drink since.

How I Stopped Drinking

When I made the decision that I was done for good, I did a few things that were instrumental in helping me get through the first 6 months which were much harder than I thought they would be.

First, I did a lot of journaling. I continued to journal as if I had been sober a year and what my life looked like. I also journaled about how crappy I felt and how it was struggling.

Second, I surrounded myself with inspiration from people like me who had stopped drinking. I read books, followed Instagram accounts, and listened to podcasts.

Here’s some of the resources I used:

• {Book} *The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, Catherine Gray
• {Book} *Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety, Sacha Scobolic
• {Book} *Drink: The Intimidate Relationship Between Women and Alcohol, Ann Dowsett Johnson
• {Book} *Between Breath: A Memoir of Panic + Addiction, Elizabeth Vargas
• {Instagram} @asobergirlsguide
• {Podcast} Seltzer Squad
• {Podcast} HOME Podcast
• {Instagram} @laura_mckowen
• {Instagram} @jolen_park
• {App} Nomo – Sobriety Clocks (I used this app to track my days not drinking, 1,835 as of today! It also includes helpful resources.

Third, I said “no” sometimes. If I received an invite and I knew there would be drinking, I said “no”. Not all the time, but sometimes. It actually had nothing to do with the desire to drink, it was more my feelings of being an outsider now that I wasn’t drinking. I didn’t want to feel left out, and like I said, I was dealing with some social anxiety at that point.

Fourth, I did a ton of self-coaching via journaling. I looked at my mind and how that was helping and hindering my journey. I didn’t censor how I was feeling or what I was thinking. I was honest with myself.

Fifth, I download the Nomo – Sobriety Clocks app to track how many days I went without drinking. I get such a dopamine hit from tracking that I knew this would be super helpful. I congratulated myself along the way.

Lastly, I reminded myself that if I chose to drink again, I would have to go through the mental and emotional chaos it would create. I would feel disappointed, ashamed, guilty, and anxious. And then I would have to start the whole process of quitting over again. I’d rather avoid the pain of going through that all over again, then give into my immediate impulse to drink.

The most important thing I did was not give up. Even after I tried and failed, I eventually tried again and never lost hope that I would stop drinking. I didn’t know the exact path I would take to get there, but I just knew it would happen.

My Relationship with Alcohol

Now that I’ve been sober for five years, I can clearly see what my relationship with alcohol looked like.

I don’t call myself an alcoholic, but maybe I am? Ultimately, I think I have a really disordered relationship with alcohol similar to my past disordered relationship with food.

In social situations, alcohol occupied a lot of my thoughts. When I knew there would be drinks available, I would constantly think about what I would drink? Then I’d constantly think about when I would have the drink? Then after having the drink, I’d start the negotiating in my head about having one more, or how much should I drink? If I had a third drink I’d be mad at myself for drinking three drinks, so I’d have another so I wouldn’t have to feel the anger toward myself…

It was such a controlling mind game.

I also believe that socializing and alcohol were so connected for me from an early age. Ironically, I came from a household where drinks and alcohol weren’t a “thing” at our social gatherings. I have no memories of people drinking or getting drunk at holiday’s or party’s.

But from 15 years old to 40 years old, I would always (if allowed) have a drink to unwind and have a good time. Alcohol and fun went hand in hand.

When I stopped drinking, I started to feel anxious and insecure at parties and social gatherings. Which makes perfect sense since the alcohol let my guard down and helped me feel relaxed when I was around others. Without the alcohol, I was just left with myself which wasn’t easy! Plus, how could I have fun without alcohol?!

These realizations made it clear that my relationship with alcohol was not healthy, and I made the right decision to stop.

How My Life Has Changed

My life has definitely changed since no longer drinking. The positives far outweigh the negatives.

Not So Great Changes:

• I’ve had friendships fade because we no longer drink together, and I’m not interested in doing things that revolve around drinking.
• I miss the part of drinking that caused me to loosen up and just have fun. As a structured, Type A personality, that’s hard to do! Now, I’m usually the first one heading home because I want to wake up early.
• My husband still drinks so it can be hard to find things to do together that aren’t centered around drinking. We spent a good part of our dating life at bars, and drinking together.
• I felt really insecure, anxious, and isolated in social situations, or when we went on vacation. I had a habit of tying events to drinking. Without alcohol, I really struggled to feel like I fit in at times, which at 40 something years old was not fun.

Positive changes:

• I wake up every morning with no regret and anxiety about how much I drank the night before, and what I said/did. This is the BEST feeling. My anxiety overall is much less.
• Even if I wake up with a headache, I know for sure it wasn’t self-induced so there’s no drama and regret around it.
• My sleep has improved tremendously and is very consistent.
• I rarely fall off my routine because I’m no longer spending days getting over a hangover. This used to throw me off my schedule and along with the mental drama I was creating for myself, made it hard for me to get back on track.
• If my kids need me, I’m sober, alert and clear headed. This is such a relieve. I know I can count on myself always.
• There’s no “fighting” over who will drink and who will drive. I’m always the best choice to drive.
• My kids see that I don’t drink alcohol and we’ve had discussions around my reasoning for it.
• I no longer have mental drama about what, how, and when I will drink and that’s given me a lot of brain space to use for other, more productive things.

Overall, with anything in life that you greatly enjoy in the moment, but doesn’t provide a long-term benefit, there’s a void when it’s gone.

This void for me comes in the feeling of extreme anticipation, excitement, shame, guilt. I would look forward to things because I knew I would be drinking. Then I would feel shame and guilt the next day because of my drinking.

What I’ve learned is that sometimes we self-sabotage (which is what I was doing when I kept going back to drinking), because it feels comfortable and normal. It gives us something to do…

For example, when I was working on my relationship with food, I started to notice that overeating and then feeling bad about it gave my brain something to focus on. It was like a cycle that served no purpose, but kept me busy so I didn’t have to put effort into other parts of my life that weren’t going so well. It was basically a distraction from getting in touch with the authentic me.

Once you stop the sabotaging drama, life no longer has crazy ups and downs. You have nothing to fight against, or get mad at yourself about. You no longer have the excitement of starting something new (like a new diet or a new plan). You honestly might feel bored with yourself.

By no longer drinking, I feel all my emotions because I’m not covering them up with alcohol. And that’s not always fun. But I also know that my life is 100% better overall because I’m no longer engaged in the sabotaging behaviors to stop drinking, and I’ve just stopped.

What Habit Will You Stop?

If you’ve read this far, I hope you found this encouraging and motivating.

In a nutshell, here’s what I recommend:

Step #1 – Start thinking about what you’re life will look like without the thing you want to quit. Journal about this and really let yourself sit with it. What will be easier about your life? How will you feel?

Step #2 – Surround yourself with resources that inspire you for the journey you are on. Find podcasts, books, social media accounts, Facebook groups, etc. Find a coach or therapist who specializes in what you’re struggling with, this can really fast track the process and provide insight and support that you might not notice you need.

Step #3 – Remember that it will definitely be hard. If it isn’t hard, you would have already done it. You have to override that part of your brain that really wants to still do the thing you’re trying to quit. Quitting a habit that you enjoy can be as hard as creating and sticking to a new habit.

Step #4 – Congratulate yourself on every little win along the way. This is how you build up your confidence along the way. Find ways to track your progress.

Step #5 – Don’t give up, this is the only way you will fail.

Even if drinking isn’t your thing you want to stop, you can still apply everything I shared above to what you’re trying to quit.

What habit are you going to quite for good?

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*There might be affiliate links on this page, which means I get a small commission of anything you buy. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. Please do your own research before making any online purchase.*