Ask Me Anything!

Since this is my birthday week, I thought it would be fun to do something a little different. I offered to ask me anything. And you replied with some great questions! You’ll find the questions and answers below.

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Do you have any time management books you can recommend? Or getting your life together type books?

Time Management books I recommend:

• Better Than Before, Gretchen Rubin** – This book talks a lot about habits, but part of creating habits is making time for them. She also touches on how to procrastinate less. I’ve red this book more than once. I always find some inspiration and ideas to improve my life.
• The Time Saving Mom, by Crystal Paine** – Crystal shares how she manages her time as a mom of 6, business owner, and active church member. I’ve followed Crystal for a while and really resonate with what she teaches and shares so I was excited to get this book. Though I haven’t put everything into practice, one thing I did implement from this book is her Google Tasks system.
• Feel-Good Productivity, by Ali Abdaal**– I borrowed this book from the library and I’m glad I did! Abdaal explores how our brain responds to productivity – and how hustling harder actually slows us down. He shares a ton of great ideas about incorporating fun into your productivity, and how to override procrastination.
• Four Thousand Weeks, by Oliver Burkeman** – Though the concept is depressing – on average we have 4,000 weeks on this planet, he makes a good point that we won’t be able to do EVERYTHING we want to do in this life. There’s simply not enough time. From that viewpoint, he shares how to make the most of the time you have. One of the tangible tips I’ve incorporated is to only have three projects going at a time. Once you complete a project, replace it with another one. For example, right now my projects are getting ready for our vacation in August, cleaning my sons room, and creating a book out of a story my son wrote. That’s all I’m focusing on right now.

Getting your life together books I recommend:

• Finding Your Own North Star, by Martha Beck** – I was introduced to Martha Beck through Oprah Winfrey’s show. At the time I was getting my Masters in Counseling, and I just knew I wanted to add Martha’s coaching concepts into the work I was doing. This book is full of fun, intuitive practices to help you tune into your authentic self so that you can create the life you were meant to live.
• If I’m So Smart, Why Can’t I Lose Weight?, by Brooke Castillo** – Even though this book is centered around losing weight, the concepts apply to any area of life where you want to make change. I believe so much in these concepts and how they’ve improved my life, that I became certified as a life coach through Brooke Castillo’s The Life Coach School.
• Take Back Your Brain, by Kara Loewenthail**– This book dives deep into critical self-talk, why we have it, and what to do about it. This opened my eyes to the role social programming has in our life as moms, and how that’s showing up in our parenting. Kara also shares a lot of insights on time management and how the women’s brain responds to everything we need to do. I borrowed this book from the library, but I’m definitely buying myself a copy.

When you were a stay-at-home mom did your cleaning schedule change from when your kids were in school vs when they were on summer break?

Up until a few years ago, cleaning the house was a major pain point for me. I had this expectation that the kitchen, bathrooms, and bedrooms had to be cleaned thoroughly every single week. My “Type A” personality also believed that unless this was all done in one setting, it didn’t really count. So I wouldn’t even bother mopping the kitchen floor, if I didn’t have time to clean the rest of the house.

Back then, my cleaning schedule consisted of spending at least one to two hours on the weekend cleaning, because like I said, my brain didn’t think 15 minutes here or there made a difference. I felt like I couldn’t enjoy the weekend unless the house was clean. This made me angry and resentful. It also caused arguments with my husband.

Since that time, I’ve shifted my mindset around cleaning. I have a pretty good cleaning routine I follow that only takes about 5-20 minutes a day, and only Monday through Friday. To be transparent, I haven’t gotten to my cleaning chores the last two days. I don’t make a big deal out of it. If I get to them some other day, great. If not, there’s always next week.

I no longer spend my weekends angry cleaning. And I no longer feel stressed and overwhelmed if I miss a week of cleaning the bathrooms.

Now with all that being said, I do remember when the kids were home all day and I constantly felt like I was picking up after them. My kids are 10 and 12 now and I definitely do a lot more picking up in the summer.

However, starting from a young age, my kids have always helped clean up before bed. Anything that’s there’s that doesn’t belong, has to be put away. We also make them pick up their bedrooms before they go to bed. This doesn’t mean their rooms are spotless, but it helps keep some order. The best thing about an evening clean up is that you reap the benefits of a tidy(ish) house in the morning.

We’ve also tried to be somewhat minimal with what we allow in the kitchen and living room. We recently remodeled our kitchen and decided that we didn’t want to house too much on the countertops. We only have a tray that holds our utensil jar and butter tray and on the island, we have a bowl of fruit. When the kitchen appears clean and organized, it eliminates so much overwhelm.

What’s a mindset you had to truly change to become the version of yourself you are today? And what helped you not just understand it – but believe it deeply and live it out in your everyday life?

I’ll share two mindset shifts that have truly changed my life and led me to where I am today.

I think I was in my 20’s, going through my graduate program in counseling and seeing a therapist myself, when I learned the concept that the only thing you have control over is your thoughts/actions/decisions. You cannot control/be responsible for others decisions and actions. This felt so freeing to me. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Of course, as a parent, this is challenging to accept because of course I want to be able to control how my kids act! LOL! But when you really can accept that you don’t have control over others, you feel so much more at peace.

The second mindset shift that’s truly changed my life is no longer engaging in “all or nothing” thinking. By letting go of that mentality, I’ve strengthened my discipline while meeting a lot of the goals I’ve set for myself.

Like most females, I started dieting at a young age (I was 11 and joined Weight Watchers). From that point forward, I placed food into “good or bad” categories and labeled my days as “good or bad” depending on how well I followed my diet. If I had a bad day, I would easily give up and let that stretch of “bad” days continue.

Later in life, this “all or nothing” mentality showed up in other ways – my workout schedule, how I spent money and attempted to pay off debt, my dating life, my relationship with drinking. I would set goals for myself, and then just give up the minute I wasn’t “perfect’.

It took a lot of reflecting and working with a coach to slowly shed the “all or nothing” mentality. But each time I decided to keep trying, when things didn’t go perfectly, I kept moving forward and increasing my confidence because I wasn’t giving up on myself.

I’ve changed so many aspects of my life by letting go of the perfectionism and “all or nothing” thinking. I’ve fixed my relationship with food and my body. I workout consistently (I’m actually on a streak of 137 consecutive weeks of exercise). My husband and I have paid off debt and saved money to pay cash for vacations and unexpected expenses. I’ve been sober for six years. But most importantly, I have confidence in my ability to set goals and achieve them.

What’s one thing coaching other women has unexpectedly taught you – something that surprised you or changed how you see yourself, or the work you do?

One thing coaching other women has unexpectedly taught me is unfortunately, we are all really hard on ourselves and this is what causes the overwhelm. Women (not just moms), feel responsible for others emotions and actions. I think a lot of this has to do with the messages we’ve received from society. How many of you were given a baby doll when you were young and then encouraged to take care of it? And listen, I have nothing wrong with this – I loved dolls and barbies growing up, but it’s rare that a young boy would receive a doll and the same messaging.

Many of the moms I work with have taken on more tasks than is humanly possible. They don’t want to disappoint anyone, and/or appear that they can’t “do it all”. They are also carrying the heavy mental load that comes with raising other humans. They want everyone to be happy, even at the expense of their happiness and mental health.

That’s why I’m passionate about helping moms create realistic routines, habits, and behaviors that support their mental health, reduce the mental load, and help them enjoy motherhood more.

What do you recommend to do when losing momentum with daily routines? 

If you find that you’re losing momentum with your daily routines, I would get curious and ask yourself the following questions:

• Why is this happening?
• What’s not working in my routine?
• What do I want to happen?
• What can I change so that I get back into my routine?

It’s important to be reflective and figure out why it’s happening, versus being critical towards yourself and thinking your not motivated or disciplined enough.

It’s important to also recognize that you do not have to be perfect with a routine. In life, momentum goes up and down. That’s just how it is. At least once a year, I struggle to wake up early and sometimes it takes me over a month to get back on track. That’s life…no two days are exactly alike, especially when you’re a female and hormones change from day to day.

Just keep trying and tweak where needed and eventually you’ll be following your daily routine more than your not.

Do you use Fitbit or watch to track steps?

I am a Fitbit** girl through and through! Ironically, my current Fitbit is not working well anymore so I’ll be ordering a new one today. This is something I cannot live without!

**Before you leave, grab The “Type A” Moms Guide to Feel Organized + In Control of Your Time, for FREE.  You’ll find it here.**